Random Thoughts from my Mommy Brain

I find myself here this morning wanting to write. After months of absence from here, I'm not sure what has sparked the interest. It's raining, so maybe that's it. I also have a cup of hot coffee. What is it about sitting at the computer with a cup of coffee that's so great?

You know what's not making me want to write? The baby who has suddenly refused to take a solid nap this week. Before my fingers could even hit the keyboard that baby monitor started singing. And by singing, I mean crying. Oh, you're wondering while I'm still writing while my baby is crying? First of all, stop judging me. Second of all, it's really more like intermittent fussing and I'm hoping she'll go back to sleep. Calm down. I'm watching her on the video monitor. She's fine. Babies cry. Get over it.

Speaking of baby and my time at home with her, I'm thinking the lack of adult interaction is what is really spurring this sudden interest in writing. After 6 weeks at home with a baby, (I can't believe I'm about to type these words) I actually find myself missing work. It's not the actual work I miss. It's the kitchen conversations, the sense of occasional accomplishment and the security that comes with knowing I can take a sick day. Turns out moms don't get sick days. Also turns out that's really crappy. Exponentially crappier when your baby and husband are also sick and you have out of town visitors.

(If you're still hung up on that whole crying baby business and are currently on hold with CPS, you can hang up now. She's back asleep.) In all seriousness, I can't even tell you how in love I am with this little creature. When I look at her so many thoughts run through my head. Let's share a few:

1. You were inside of me. You grew from a little speck of a poppy seed into a full blown baby. This is crazy. If that doesn't make you believe in God, I'm not sure what will.

2. I am responsible for you. Am I qualified? Because I feel like I might really screw it up. Let's watch an episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. We'll both feel better about ourselves.

3. Hey. There's a spot on my shirt. Poop? Leftover muffin? We'll probably never know. Let's just ignore it until laundry day.

4. I love you. So. So. So. So. Much. You don't even understand. Heck, I don't even understand. You are beautiful and precious and perfect. I hope I raise you to know that. I also hope you don't hate me at age 13. You probably will, but just know that I love you. You'll probably like me again one day.

5. You are so cute. How did we make you?

Other things I've learned in my first 6 weeks of mommyhood:

1. The likelihood of my hair seeing a heat styling tool on any given day is pretty remote. Putting on earrings helps me not look like a troll. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Case in point:

2. Nursing pads are a necessity, right up there with oxygen and water. Also, washable nursing pads are a joke. Disposable is where it's at.

3. Speaking of nursing, I now totally get why it doesn't work out for some people. It's hard in so many ways. I feel lucky that it's going well for us.
 
4. Coffee is a new food group.

5. Sleep? Yes, please. I'd like some more. With that said though, you can actually function pretty well on the fractioned scraps of sleep you're thrown here and there.

6. If you read enough articles and blog posts about the horrors of your postpartum body you will be fearful of the worst and may be pleasantly surprised that it's not as bad as you thought it was going to be. Please remember that I said "may be". Those horrible things I read did actually happen to someone.

7. God makes babies cute for a reason. Crying and middle of the night wake ups are a lot more tolerable in adorable packaging.

8. Seeing your husband be a good daddy will melt your heart and make you love him even more.

9. When baby is hungry you stop everything to feed them. Like writing a blog post. Adios.